Attunement

When an overwhelmed team member walks into your office, your instinct might be to jump into action—offer advice, build a plan, solve the problem. That’s what leaders are trained to do. But sometimes, the most powerful thing you can offer isn’t a strategy. It’s you. Fully present. Calm. Attuned.

Lisa Zigarmi, organizational psychologist and leadership coach repeated the following conversation from a leader, “I thought I was being helpful, but she left the conversation looking more burdened than when she walked in.” The insight came later: “What she needed wasn’t my strategy—it was my presence. She needed to feel felt, not fixed.”

According to Zigarmi and keynote speaker Stella Grizont, that moment reflects a critical,

often overlooked leadership skill: attunement. As leadership coaches and psychologists explain, “Attunement is the art of full-body, non-judgmental presence.” It's about listening with your whole self—mind, body, and nervous system—and signaling to others, “I see you. I understand you. You are safe here.”

In an era where emotional overwhelm is increasingly common, this matters more than ever. According to Gallup’s 2025 data, over half of U.S. workers report experiencing high levels of stress. And research from Harvard Business Review shows that when employees feel their leaders care about their emotional well-being, they are more engaged, productive, and loyal.

This is not “soft” leadership. It’s emotional intelligence in action—a concept championed by psychologist Daniel Goleman, who found that self-awareness and empathy are key components of effective leadership. Attuned leaders are able to calm their own nervous systems in order to help others regulate theirs. Neuroscience backs this up: studies show that co-regulation—the way our nervous systems sync through eye contact, vocal tone, and physical presence—is essential for trust and connection (Siegel, The Developing Mind, 2012).

What makes attunement so powerful is how simple it can be. These five steps can shift a conversation:

1. Set the intention to listen—not fix.

2. Calm yourself first (even a deep breath can help).

3. Stay curious instead of assuming.

4. Listen with your body—soft eye contact, open posture, nodding.

5. Invite reflection: “What do you need most right now?”

As Brené Brown puts it, “Rarely can a response make something better, what makes something better is connection.” And that connection starts with your presence.

So, the next time a team member seems disengaged or overwhelmed, resist the urge to jump into solutions. Instead, pause. Get grounded. Be with them. You may not solve their problem in that moment—but you’ll transform how they experience it. And that may be what they needed most.

Because sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is simply show up.

“The heart of leadership is connection, and connection is about empathy, curiosity, and emotional courage.” - Brene Brown