Leading with Love

"The first job of leadership is to love people. - Rick Warren

Valentine’s Week always makes me stop and reflect. It’s not because leadership has anything to do with roses or chocolates, but because it reminds me how much love quietly lives inside our organizations, our central office and our schools. It’s not the flashy kind of love. It’s the kind that shows up early, stays late, and carries a thousand unseen and often difficult decisions. The kind that holds space for students, teachers, families, and staff - often all in the same hour!

Over my leadership career, I learned that when I lead with love, it rarely looks dramatic. It looks small. And it matters more than I expect. Sometimes it’s a handwritten note left in a mailbox thanking an administrator for navigating a tough parent conversation or acknowledging a counselor who went above and beyond for a student. Those notes take minutes, but they linger. In a profession where effort is constant and affirmation can be rare, being seen makes a difference.

I’ve also seen and recognized that love shows up in presence. Central offices and schools are full of meetings and interruptions, always something urgent pulling at our attention. But when I’m truly present - when I close the laptop, set my cell phone aside (and on silent), and listen without rushing - something shifts; people speak more honestly, concerns surface and trust grows. Leadership presence creates safety.

I’ve also learned that how I schedule my time is one of the clearest ways I show care. When I stack meetings endlessly, I signal that rest and reflection don’t matter – and I have learned this the hard way in my life and in my leadership. When I lead in ways that honor staff time,  such as by  avoiding unnecessary meetings, or noticing when someone is stretched too thin, I’m saying: I respect your energy. This can be hard for those of us who are driven and have a highly developed sense of urgency, intensity and outcomes. An important lesson that I had to learn and internalize is that capacity around urgency and energy varies greatly across individuals but also across different seasons.

Leading with love doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations. Some of the most caring moments in leadership are rooted in clarity. Clear expectations. Honest feedback. Direct conversations delivered with respect. Ambiguity creates anxiety, especially in schools where so much already feels uncertain. I often lean on and quote Brene Brown who says “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Love tells the truth, thoughtfully.

The hardest lesson for me, though, has been this: I can’t lead with love if I don’t practice it with myself.  Leadership often rewards self-sacrifice. There’s always another crisis, another need, another reason to push through exhaustion. I’ve learned that my energy sets the tone. When I ignore my limits, it shows. Self-love has meant learning to manage my energy as intentionally as my calendar. Saying no when needed (admittedly this is still a work in progress!). When I take care of myself, I lead more calmly.

This Valentine’s Week is a reminder that leadership is, at its core, an act of love. In our schools it is; love for students who need stability, love for educators who give more than they’re ever asked to, love for our parents and our communities trusting us with what matters most.

That kind of love is quiet. Intentional. And worth practicing—this week, and every day.