Embracing Emotions

Have you ever been given the advice: “Leave your feelings at the door.” ?  Well that’s not just bad advice - it’s impossible! According to Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy in their book,

No Hard Feelings, “The future of work is emotional.” Not only do emotions show up at work — they drive how we communicate, make decisions, lead, collaborate, and innovate. Leaders who ignore this are leading half-blind. But those who embrace emotions — wisely and skillfully — unlock teams that are more connected, creative, and resilient.

Here are some of the key takeaways from No Hard Feelings:

1. Emotions Belong at Work — But Not All the Emotions, All the Time

Fosslien and Duffy argue that emotional expression at work is necessary — but it has to be intentional. It's not about unleashing every feeling in every meeting. It’s about acknowledging emotions without being ruled by them.

“It's okay to be sad at work. It's okay to be frustrated at work. It's okay to be happy at work. It's not okay to yell at your coworkers.”

Emotionally intelligent leaders model what it looks like to feel with control. That creates psychological safety — and that’s where trust and innovation flourish.

2. Know Your 'Emotion Job'

Every role comes with an "emotion job" — the emotional labor you're expected to do.Customer service reps need to stay calm. Managers often need to project confidence even when uncertain.When we name this invisible work, we can better manage it — and not burn out under its weight.“You don’t have to smile all the time, but understanding your emotional role helps you survive and lead.”

3. Don't Avoid Hard Conversations — Just Have Them Well

Emotions spike during conflict, this is normal and human but that’s not a reason to avoid it.The authors offer practical strategies for difficult conversations: focus on facts, use “I” statements, and pause before reacting. One practical tip - which would save you and other a lot of drama? Draft an email, but don’t send it right away. Come back once the emotion has cooled — and revise it with your calm brain in charge.

4. Boundaries Build Trust

Boundaries aren’t cold — they’re kind (Brene Brown: “Clear is kind.”). You and I - and our people- do our best work when we know what’s expected and what’s okay. That includes modeling your own boundaries and encouraging your team to do the same. Boundaries protect energy. And energy fuels performance.

5. Vulnerability = Credibility

People trust leaders who are real. Sharing your own challenges, mistakes, or doubts (appropriately) makes space for others to do the same.“You don't have to cry in meetings, but you do need to be human.”  (As a leader,  I was sometimes overcome with tears because of the depth of purpose, passion and care!) Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s how we connect.

In No Hard Feelings, the authors aren’t asking  leaders to become therapists. Leaders are being called to become better humans at work. Emotions aren’t a distraction from performance — they’re often the very thing that powers it.

So next time you feel like pushing your feelings down to “stay professional,” try this instead: name what you feel, ask what it’s telling you, explore it and use it - wisely

Because leading with emotional intelligence isn’t soft. It’s strategic. It’s powerful. And it’s the future.

“But real achievement at work requires going one step beyond emotional intelligence: you need to learn to be reasonably emotional. This means matching how you communicate your feelings to the specific situation. To do that, you need emotional fluency—the capacity to productively sense emotion, and to know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action.”  Fosslien & Duffy